Neptune Statue

June 30, 2012 – I haven’t been this excited about seeing a statue since the time I saw The Awakening. Or the other time I saw The Awakening. I mean, after visiting hundreds of abstract art sculptures and human-sized statues of people looking civic and distinguished, I’ve decided that gigantic ancient gods is exactly what sculpture is for. And I’m not talking Christ the Redeemer or the Leshan Buddha. I’m talking terrifying gods of antiquity that shrink us down to the appropriate scale: bite-sized in an absentmindedly chewing universe. The Colossus of Rhodes, Zeus at Olympia…Virginia Beach’s Neptune.


Neptune, of course, is the Roman God of the sea. Virginia Beach is the place vacationers go when the Outer Banks is just a little too far away for them to get to. Together, they make a pretty awesome public art project.

Located right on the boardwalk close to where Laskin Road intersects with Atlantic Avenue, the 34-foot-tall bronze statue looks appropriately indifferent of mere humanity, especially the barely clad and sandy examples of the species clamoring about his base.

Bearded and crowned, he brandishes a tall trident in one hand and palms a massive sea turtle in the other. His body cants forward as if he’s in the process of dribbling said sea turtle, while below his torso, right where his holy nethers and lower limbs would be, is a rock cocoon covered in bronze sea creatures.


He faces the tiny Neptune Park, while behind him is the Atlantic Ocean from which, if you can find the right angle and degree of eye squint, he appears to rise. Above him, fighter jets regularly and noisily scramble from the nearby Naval Air Station Oceana.

The Roman counterpart of the Greek Poseidon was carved by an artist named P. DiPasquale and installed in 2005. According to a plaque affixed to him, Neptune was erected as a memorial to the founders of Virginia Beach’s annual Neptune Festival, a 40-year-old multi-million-dollar party that occurs every September.

In person, the statue doesn’t disappoint. Sure, I wish it were in a less crowded place, and the intersection of city and beach is one of my least favorite geographical juxtaposition on the planet, but it’s worth putting up with to be dwarfed by a blasphemed Roman deity.







And here is where I would’ve linked to the seaQuest DSV episode where they encounter Neptune himself, but YouTube isn’t the comprehensive site it once was.

Beans in the Belfry

June 28, 2012 — I spent about three years in the tiny town of Brunswick, Maryland, doing little more than navel-gazing, although not necessarily always at my own. It was there in a beat-up apartment overlooking a train station and the Appalachian Trail beyond that I cultivated a taste for port, broke all Netflix records for disc-turnaround time, and germinated the idea that eventually evolved into OTIS.

The town’s about an hour northwest of Washington, DC, and adjacent to the fictionally infamous, but real town of Burkittsville. If you ever lose a bet with the devil and find yourself in Brunswick, I know exactly where you should go to pass your time: a 110-year-old abandoned church turned café.


For most of my years in Brunswick, the Reformed Presbyterian church at 122 West Potomac Street was just another abandoned piece of real estate on the town’s gasping main street. The red brick building was erected in 1901 and lasted as a church until 1968, when God apparently lost interest in it, as did everybody else. That is, until the next century.

Toward the end of my time in that town, the abandoned church was bought, renovated, and transformed into a café called Beans in the Belfry. I say renovated, but outside, the façade changed little. It still looked somewhat like an abandoned church, only now it had a small sign with the name of the café and some cast-iron sidewalk seating.


Turning a century-old church into a hang-out is a pretty cool maneuver, but I still never patronized it. I don’t remember why. Maybe I was too busy gathering up the courage to move at the time. Maybe I liked the idea of a repurposed church too much and was afraid to spoil it by entering to find an atmosphere only a notch above soup kitchen. Most probably, it was because it didn’t have a liquor license.

So when I left Brunswick, some seven years past, I left behind a loose end…which I finally picked up a few days ago.

Turns out, the Belfry (not a big fan of the full name) is unique in ways beyond being a church carapace. Somebody seems to have put a lot of hard work into creating a unique and cozy atmosphere. Its green walls and purple ceiling frame a space filled with eclectic decor. Antique sofas are spread around creating comfortable nooks. A small corner stage is set up for intimate musical acts. The dining tables are all gloriously mismatched. Random book shelves and picture frames fill up wall spaces. Partitions made of old doors divide the large space up somewhat. A trunk full of children’s costumes was open for its younger patrons.


But it also maintains many of the elements of the church it was, mostly notably repurposed pews here and there, a choir loft that serves as an internet café, and, of course, the many stained-glass windows, each one dedicated to the memory of some church-goer of old.

We were there for breakfast, and while we sat and ate our quiches, we saw a small, but steady stream of people come in. Some were locals, judging by the confident way they navigated the labyrinth of antique furniture. Others were hikers and bicyclists wandering sweaty off the Appalachian Trail just a block away. These latter always paused in surprise once their eyes adjusted to the stained-glass-lit interior before making their way up to the counter.


All in all, if the Belfry was in any major city, it’d be packed all the time, and you’d need to be extremely cool to get past its velvet rope. I certainly admit that I impoverished my Brunswick life by not becoming a regular. And I'll probably try the rest of my life to find a local hang-out like it again.

Oh, and since my residency there, it secured a beer and wine license, so God has begun shining his blessings on this building once again….just not to the level of gin yet.





Cliffs of Moher


June 25, 2012 — Have I ever told you that I’ve been to the Cliffs of Insanity? That I saw an upside down waterfall there? That the air was so thick I had to take running starts to get through it at times? I haven’t? Well then, snuggle under your blankets. I’ll be Peter Falk and you be Fred Savage.

When the Dread Pirate Roberts catches up to Vizzini and crew in the 1987 movie The Princess Bride, he does so at the Cliffs of Insanity. That’s the scene where Andre the Giant scales a vertiginous rock face by rope while the rest of the gang hang off him like opossum babies.

The real-life cliffs used in that scene were the Cliffs of Moher, located in County Clare on the western coast of Ireland.


And if you don’t remember the part of the scene with an upside down waterfall and solid air, that’s because it wasn’t in the movie. Those were actually my own personal experiences at the cliffs when I visited a few years back.

The Cliffs of Moher is one of Ireland’s most visited attractions, with like a million people teetering on its edge every year. The dark slate and sandstone rocks rise more than 700 feet from the angry white foam of the Atlantic Ocean to the fabled green grass of Eire, and stretch some five miles of the island’s coast.

Upside-down waterfall in the foreground.
O'Brien's Tower in the background.
Every cliff in the world is dramatic for the same reason: The combination of awesome beauty that can kill you in an awful fashion. But there’s something extremely cinematic about these sheer black rocks in particular, and I’m surprised that among the tens of thousands of birds that call its clefts and sea caves home is not the constant buzz of hundreds of helicopters with state-of-the-art video rigs hanging off them.

You can take a ferry boat to see the cliffs from the bottom, but most people are content with the view from the top. There you’ll find, instead of the ruins from the movie, a large visitor center and the 180-year-old stone structure called O’Brien’s Tower that marks the highest point of the cliffs.


So if you ever visit the cliffs, I can promise you an amazing natural wonder. But I can’t promise you the same experience as ours. On the day that we visited it was crazy windy. Like Jupiter superstorm windy. Like blow Dorothy way past Oz windy. There were points along the cliff walkway where we could barely pull air into our lungs, where we had to stick our heads down and run to make any progress, where we could bend our bodies and almost sit down on the air. And I haven’t had so much fun jumping since I was three.

I realize that last paragraph is purely anecdotal, but I have included some pictorial proof of how jumbo jet this stream was. At one part of the cliffs, water was being funneled straight from the ocean up the hundreds of feet of rock face to geyser over the ledge in a constant stream like an upside-down waterfall. That’s right. An upside-down waterfall. I’ll never scuba dive beneath arctic ice or broad jump across Mare Tranquillitatis, but I have felt the spray of an upside-down waterfall. So there’s that to take the edge off my inevitable end-of-life disappointment.


Of course, the thing I’m downplaying here is that the kind of windy where wearing a jacket just a size and a half too big can turn you into a human kite is exactly the type of weather you don’t want went visiting a dangerous cliff. Except that it was an absolute blast.

Still, even on its most placid, least blowhard days, the Cliffs of Moher are worth being one of the million visitors per year to see…even if you have to piggy on the back of a giant to get there.










Sea Captains’ Burial Ground


June 18, 2012 — I dig visiting graveyards, but the older I get, the closer the experience gets to shopping instead of leisure. They cause me to think a little too much about the place where my own molecules will say their final awkward goodbyes before going their separate ways. A couple of weeks ago, I might’ve inadvertently found the perfect little place to molder. Except that I can’t be buried there. Because I’m not a sea captain. Or Canadian.

The Bay of Fundy in New Brunswick is an amazing place. World-record tides of 50 feet and higher, flowerpot rock formations, sea caves, fossil cliffs. And a nice place to see some of those sites is the Fundy Trail Parkway, a 10-mile stretch of scenic drive on the western coast of the bay.


You pay a fee to enter, and then you can hike, bike, or slow-drive it, stopping at all the overlooks, rocky beaches, walking paths, rivers, waterfalls, and woodlands along the route. Also, the private burial grounds of an indeterminate number of sea captains.

We didn’t know anything about this little oddity going into the parkway. In fact, we were just planning to enjoy a laid-back morning cruising the scenery and not worrying about having to enter OTIS mode (which I was saving later for Hopewell Rocks). Things get frantic in OTIS mode. Sometimes ugly.


However, we’d only gotten as far as the second stop on the parkway when I saw the sign: Sea Captains’ Burial Ground. Suddenly it was business. Actually, I don’t get paid for this, so…Suddenly it was hobby.

The signs pointed us to the back of the parking lot, which bordered the forest. From there, we walked over a short wooden bridge to a grassy path that paralleled the forest edge as it gently rose into the woods. After traversing the equivalent of a pleasant stroll, the woods opened onto a beautiful, secluded, sun-dappled glade. With its own pair of graveyards.

The graveyards were similar, each about the size of a suburban front yard and delineated by nicely kept white picket fences. The entryway arch of one had the surname “Melvin” on it. The second cemetery, a bit deeper into the forest, bore “Fownes” over its entrance.

I feel like somebody could make up a lot of great stories about two identical graveyards in the middle of a forest.


Most of the tombstones were gone from both cemeteries, and the few that remained were mostly in the Fownes graveyard. However, a few dozen plain, white wooden crosses proliferated in the long graveyard grass.

It was a beautiful, peaceful spot, almost faerie. In the past, it might have been a different kind of beautiful since without the thin strip of trees and parkway currently between it and the cliffs of the bay, it probably commanded a millionaire’s view of Fundy.

As to the history of this burial land, there wasn’t anything posted at the site, nor is there a whole lot out in the ether. I had to contact parkway staff in order to finish this post. According to the email I received in response (thanks, Rachel), the cemetery was discovered during the creation of the Fundy Trail Parkway back in the late 1990s. They researched it, restored it, marked the graves of those bodies who’d lost their heads…tones with the aforementioned white crosses, and they now maintain it as part of the Parkway.


The Fownes and Melvins were apparently early settlers in the area, claiming their piece of Canada sometime in the 1700s. Both families became shipbuilders and world-traveling seamen in the mid-1800s, as well as owning farmland.

As to the name chosen for the graveyards, none of the gravestones that survive with their epitaph intact bear the title “Captain” on them. I wasn’t told how many actual sea captains are buried there, just that there are more than 45 interments and that many of the men in those families died at sea, so the name might be spin. But it’s good spin. I doubt “ship builders’ burial ground” or “farmers’ burial ground” could’ve pulled me away from the wonders of creation on the far side of the road to see this wonder of degeneration. Eh, who am I kidding. Graveyards are like the pocket watches of hypnotists to me.

I do know that whatever the occupation of those below that forest floor, salt-bearded sea captain, calloused-handed carpenter, or dirt-footed farmer, they’re kind of living my dream. Corpse as a tourist spot. Also my nightmare. Swings with my moods.













Toddler in a Monster Museum


June 16, 2012 — This afternoon I took my two-year-old to Count Orlok’s Nightmare Gallery in Salem, MA, the excellent movie monster museum run by James Lurgio (tell him I sent you, and he’ll let you in anyway). I’ve written about the place before, and probably should again because it’s changed a lot in the last three years. I know this because I like to get down there every so often to chat monster movies with him and see the new characters he regularly adds to his collection.

This time I was there because I gave my daughter a choice for today’s outing: beach or monsters. She chose monsters, but only if I could promise her a mummy and witch among the mash.

So being more of an experimenter than I am a parent, I took her to a dark labyrinthine corridor full of demons, monsters, and supernatural serial killers for daddy-daughter day.


Of course, once we were there, she wouldn’t let me put her down the entire time and kept repeating “just a statue.” However, other than that, she definitely had a blast asking character names, sorting them between good guy and bad guy based solely on their looks, trying to trick me by pretending the creatures were reaching out behind me, and then wanting to “do it again” once we passed Meg Mucklebones and hit the light of day.

Right now, she’s peacefully asleep up in her room, so I’m pretty sure I can add one more day to the sign in my living room that currently says, “40 Days Without Psychologically Scarring Esme.”

Anyway, the whole point of his post is to tell you what she told me during our visit. Most of why I thought it post-worthy will only make sense to other monster movie fans. So, sorry, everybody I should’ve warned earlier in the article. Also, I’ve somewhat transliterated her comments since she still talks in her own language:

  • She liked John Carradine because he looked like a nice vampire. 
  • Hannibal Lector should be “twirling Elvira around” like princesses in the ballroom scenes of Disney movies. 
  • Everything was just like Scooby Doo. 
  • Carrie needed a Band-Aid. 
  • She asked the Unnamable’s name. 
  • She wanted to know why Jack Nicholson wasn’t using the doorknob. 
  • Dr. Phibes looked like “a good guy.” Obviously, he wasn’t drinking through his neck at the time, nor did I introduce him to her by his first name, Abominable. 
  • She asked what the alien from They Live wanted. I told her to obey and consume, which I realized somewhat damningly is what I want from her, as well (do what I say and eat everything on your plate). 
  • Offended the gods by saying the scepter on the mummy sarcophagus looked like a candy cane. 
  • Thought putting a fly head on a human body was “silly.” 
  • Was a little too interested in the Lament Configuration for my comfort. 
  • Called every single zombie “Bub” after I introduced her to one. I’m assuming she’ll do that for the rest of her life. 

Obviously I have a lot of movies to show her. I’ll wait until she’s three.




Winchester Mystery House


June 12, 2012 — There’s no compelling physical evidence for the existence of ghosts. But, man, is there some compelling physical evidence for people's belief in the existence of ghosts. And the most fascinating of them all is the Winchester Mystery House.

This is one of those oddities that everybody kind of already knows about, which is why I’ve put off writing about my visit there for so long (about three years, all told). Still, the site feels incomplete if I don't have it on whichever of Google’s servers holds the power of life or death over OTIS. Here’s the story as quick as I can make it.


Sarah Winchester was a part of the famous Winchester family, the ones who made their fortune selling the iconic rifles that bear their surname. In 1881, at the age of 41, Sarah found herself widowed, childless…and extremely wealthy.

The story goes that Sarah thought she was cursed and started to feel guilty at how the family made its funds, so she sought the advice of a medium. The dead told the tale that she should build a house to appease all the perforated victims of her family’s guns, and to never stop its construction else the ghosts of those victims would come after her. So real estate as life insurance.


In 1886, she moved to California, bought an eight-room farmhouse, hired work crews, and then began a neverending construction that rabbit-bred those eight rooms into 160 by the time of her death.

But it wasn’t just a neverending construction, it was a neverending nonsensical construction. The mammoth mansion featured doors that led out into two stories’ worth of broken neck, windows set in the floor and in interior walls, cabinets that opened up into other rooms, stairs that stopped at solid ceilings. It was M.C. Escher‘s only ever architectural foray.


Sarah died in 1922, peacefully in her sleep despite all the hammering and sawing. She was 83, and she left behind both her one-of-a-kind house and a whole lot of mystery.

Some say that all of Sarah’s crazy construction was to confuse the ghosts. Others that it was at the behest of them, since Sarah conducted regular séances there. Whatever the reason, we have to assume it was a kooky one, since the evidence that attests to that fact stands to this day, and, most importantly for us, is open to the public.


The house is located at 525 S. Winchester Boulevard, in San Jose. From the outside, it looks like what somebody might design if they were asked to build the opposite of a spooky house. It’s right in the middle of the city, boasts a bright yellow and red exterior, sits on a beautifully cultivated landscape, features prominent palm trees (the least scariest things in all of Creation), and is overall exquisitely well-kept in a place that rarely sees thunderstorms.

However, the labyrinthine quality of the house more than makes up for the sunniness of its setting and appearance. Unfortunately, you can only go through the house with a guided tour, so you won’t get the thrill of being lost in a funhouse. Our tour group held about a dozen visitors, and out tour guide was a short, older man who kept calling Sarah the “Bill Gates of Her Time,” because of how she embraced cutting-edge domestic innovations. At the time, I thought the analogy was flawed, but Gates’ subsequent obsessions with the science of toilets have made me revise that opinion.


Surprisingly, despite the fact that the entire attraction plays up the ghost angle of the house without apology and just about to the point of cheesiness, our tour guide actually tried to dispel it, saying that a more likely explanation was that Sarah was just bad at designing houses.

I guess, but a window in the floor?

As we toured, the guide alternately pointed out features of opulence and lunacy, much of the latter of which I’ve already listed and the former of which is expected in the homes of the rich.


Of particular interest was her séance room, though, which was small, bare, and boring… so only of particular interest in that it was her séance room. Also, the section of the house that still retained damage from a 1906 earthquake that hit 8.3 on the Richter and shook the entire coast. Sarah got trapped in her bedroom for hours after it and, of course, took it as an omen from the spirits to direct her construction endeavors elsewhere in the house and to leave that part alone.

Every once in a while, we passed a construction worker or two, since the edifice is always in need of maintenance. I don’t remember any of them being dressed in period garb or anything, but heck if they didn’t seem like the ghosts of contractors past.


Once the tour was over, we were allowed to wander the grounds on our own recognizance, which besides the amazing gardens featured a small rifle museum and a large gift shop.

Still, as interesting as the house and the story behind it are, a group tour seemed like a paltry experience with it. I want a night alone, or with one or two of my most impressionable friends, lost and wandering and letting our imaginations do scandalous things to us that we would only admit with a large book advance and a guest spot on Jimmy Fallon.

After all, every tourist attraction with some age to it claims to be haunted these days, but few have as big a claim as the Winchester House, whose very reason for existence is ghosts. Real or imaginary, doesn’t matter. Which is my take on the whole paranormal field, actually.

Outside the "Door to Nowhere"
Oh, and I almost forgot. Sarah is buried on the opposite coast from her famous house, in New Haven, CT, where she was born. She's there with her husband and daughter in Evergreen Cemetery under a giant stone that doesn't give any clue at all to the way-cool thing she bequeathed us all.
















Forever Ray Bradbury



June 7, 2012 — Ray Bradbury wrote that one of his most indelible Halloween memories was the October 31st he learned that his friend Federico Fellini, the famous Italian film director, had died. He wrote that "Death had lost its charm for me," and that Halloween was never the same again for him. That's how I feel about Bradbury’s death. Except replace the word "Halloween" with "Everything."

I can’t call what I feel grief. That seems too intimate an emotion to attach to somebody whom I never met. It’s more like, I don’t know, suddenly finding myself in a different dimension, one that’s mostly right but still somehow fundamentally wrong. I do know that whatever that feeling is, I feel it for selfish reasons. After all, he lived 91 full years, left behind a lush and unique legacy that every one of us can visit for the rest of our lives whenever we want, and that he was fortunate enough to be appropriately acclaimed for it within his lifetime.

I don’t mean this to be a tribute to him. The entire Internet doubled in size yesterday with those, from people much more qualified and much better positioned to give them. This post is more of an offering to the gods. Something to do because I don’t know what else to do. Maybe it’s just a goodbye.

I’ve gathered together the four articles that I’ve ever written about his work below. Two of them I wrote for my 2010 Halloween blog. There’s also a piece from the summer of 2011 where I wrote about Dandelion Wine and tried the titular drink for the first time. Finally, there’s an article from The New England Grimpendium, where I visited the towns used as setting shots for the 1983 movie adaption of his book Something Wicked This Way Comes, an entry that probably shouldn’t have been included in the Grimpendium because of the vagueness and meager use of the sites in the film, but which I put in anyway just so I could see the name “Ray Bradbury” in print because I wrote it.

All of these pieces were written with the comfortable knowledge that somewhere the time machine that was Ray Bradbury was still ticking. That I could realistically imagine him sticking a wet finger out of his window each day to test if the world was yet full enough of his inimitable gift. I guess he finally decided it was. To again steal his own words about Fellini, "His special talent I've always felt should never have been removed from the world."

I at least wish we could have had one more Halloween with him around.


Something Wicked This Way Comes...Every Year



Setpember 16, 2010 — I feel stupid writing about this book. I might as well extol the beauty of a starry sky, the merits of a loving family, the pleasures of WKRP in Cincinnati. We all already know, so I should just shut up about it.

But I can’t. Not if I’m trying to write about my Autumn season.

I don’t re-read books often. I’m an extremely slow reader, so every book I re-read is another book I will never have the time to get to. Also, it can interfere with my TV watching. However, for the past decade or so, I have read Ray Bradbury’s Something Wicked This Way Comes every Autumn. In other words, I have sacrificed entire shelves of amazing stories to reread this book.

And every time I read Something Wicked, my belief is confirmed that this is Bradbury’s penultimate work (except in those summers when I’ve read Dandelion Wine and think that to be his best).

Image by Brian Weaver

Published in 1962, Something Wicked elegantly tells the story of a pair of 13-year-old midwestern boys named Jim Nightshade and Will Halloway who encounter a dark carnival so textured, so compelling, and so full of soul peril that there should have been a 100-year moratorium placed on any other writer trying to create one, much less allowing it to transmography into the cliché that other writers have turned it into.

The story takes place about a week before Halloween, although the holiday itself doesn’t much figure into the story. Mostly, Bradbury sets his tale at that time of year to take advantage of that special shade of darkness that only the nights of late October seem to cast. The kind of darkness that has less to do with the arrangement of celestial bodies and more to do with the collected terrors, fears, regrets, and sorrows that leak from the souls of a species who not only must endure change but must endure the knowledge of having changed, as well.

Image by Brian Weaver

On one of those despair-dark nights, a mysterious and supernatural carnival, Cooger and Dark’s Pandemonium Shadow Show, steams into town. The carnival is full of Autumn People, lost and trapped souls, evil creatures, freaks of nature, all run by a fiend covered in tattoos, the eponymous Mr. Dark, the Illustrated Man. As a result of this carnival and its enticements, Jim and Will are placed in a predicament that has one of them yearning to grow up faster and the other afraid to be left behind, while other, elder townsfolk attempt to recapture lost bits of their lives.

And that’s pretty much what the book’s about… the terrors of growing up and the terrors of having grown up. Children thinking they are stuck in a place they’ll never escape and older people believing they’ve been forcibly and unfairly evicted from it.

One of those adults faced with that enormous press of sunset regret is Will’s father, Charles Halloway, the janitor at the town library. When I first discovered the book, the characters of Jim and Will completely enthralled me. However, as I got older, that fascination was redirected to Charles Halloway to the point that I find his character one of the most intriguing that I’ve come across in literature. So you can keep your Hamlets, your Holden Caulfields, your Zaphod Beeblebroxes. Charles Halloway is the eyepiece I want to inspect humanity through (wait…give me back Zaphod Beeblebrox).
Image by Brian Weaver
In the end, Something Wicked fits its season. Every page is a crackling brown leaf, blown about on orchard- and bonfire-scented winds. Every bit of description is painfully evocative, extraordinarily vivid.

It’s a melancholy, bittersweet little tale, much like Autumn itself. After all, Autumn is a time of remembering, of nostalgia. It’s a time to reap the fruits of past labors. It portends the coming winter and mourns the loss of summer and spring. It’s a time when we subconsciously realize that death isn’t the horrible thing about life. Growing a year older is. In many ways, Autumn itself is that backwards-running carousel that both takes us back and terrifies us with what this way comes.


The Halloween Tree: More Bradbury than Bradbury


October 10, 2010 – You know when you were a kid at Christmas time, and your Sunday school teacher opened the Bible to the book of Luke and said, “This is what Christmas is really all about?” Or maybe it was Linus that told you, I don’t know. Well, Halloween has its holy text, too…and it doesn’t guilt you for digging Santa Claus.

In my previous post on Ray Bradbury’s Something Wicked This Way Comes, I stated with minimum equivocation that I believed it to be his greatest work. That was me wearing my objective hat (it’s soft, colorful, and divides into three limp points, each with a round dangling bell at the end). However, subjectively, his 1972 work The Halloween Tree is by far my absolute favorite Bradbury book.

Sure, part of that is because of my affinity for Halloween. Aside from the content, though, there is something about his writing in this (ostensibly children’s) book that seems, I don’t know...more Bradbury than Bradbury.

It's like he started at sentence one, "It was a small town by a small river and a small lake in a small northern part of a Midwest state," and then didn't pause, didn't edit, didn't backtrack, didn’t plot, didn’t waste time on Minesweeper until he finished up at the end with, “At two in the morning, the wind came back for more leaves.” I then imagine him throwing his glowing red pen down with a throbbing hand into a nearby bucket of water with an incredible hiss of steam and sinking back, exhausted, proud, and somewhat uncertain of what just happened. I kind of read it that way, too. Or I’m just getting so out of shape that even reading leaves me breathless.



When other people write about Halloween, it often seems like they’re just checking off tropes. “Did I mention jack-o-lanterns? Check. What about Autumn foliage? Check. Haunted house? Crap, I forgot the haunted house. Let me squeeze that in right here after the token graveyard scene.” But with The Halloween Tree, Bradbury’s treatment of Halloween is more organic, less like he’s writing about an established holiday and more like he’s creating it from scratch, from creeping pumpkin vine and stone-entombed mummy to looming harvest moon and broom-borne witch.

The book tells the story of eight costumed trick-or-treaters on a Halloween night who discover something direly wrong with one of their friends, a boy of boys by the name of Joe Pipkin. Bradbury spends a whole amazing chapter describing Pipkin (“The day Joe Pipkin was born, all the Orange Crush and Nehi soda bottles in the world fizzed over.”) that is almost worth cracking the book’s spine by itself.

The boys then encounter a sinister character named Carapace Clavacle Moundshround (“Does that have a ring, boys? Does it sound for you?”) who unfortunately seems to be Pipkin’s only hope and who leads the boys through time and cultures, dangers and terrors, showing them how the human race has dealt with darkness and death throughout history, while at the same time chasing the wan ghost of Pipkin, until eventually being asked to make a fascinating choice to save Pipkin’s “sweet Halloween candy corn soul.” It’s one of the best, most fitting story endings I’ve come across since the invention of the phrase, “The End.”

Don’t get the wrong idea, though. This isn’t one of those overtly educational kid’s stories that throws out aesthetics and art just to teach oversimplified lessons about life. In fact, more than likely the historical accuracy of the book is warped. But that’s irrelevant. So irrelevant.

Bradbury is going deeper than mere facts about history and culture in The Halloween Tree. He’s talking basic humanity here. And the most basic thing about humanity is that we die. I mean, death is as much a defining characteristic as anything else we celebrate—living, eating, loving, achieving. It’s what all cultures have in common, whether its ancient Egypt or modern-day Mexico, and each culture has its own festivals that it has used for centuries to deal with death.

In fact, Bradbury’s overarching and brilliant metaphor for our fear of death is that around this time of year, the sun goes away for longer periods of time, in the past leaving ancient man to wonder if it’s ever coming back. Because for all they knew it wouldn’t. It’s a great metaphor for death even now, where, thousands of years and billions of deaths after the advent of mankind, we still don’t know if the sun will rise again afterward.

So, once a year, we allow ourselves to get closer to the mystery of death than we are usually comfortable, clothing ourselves in nightmare, venturing out after dark, and turning fear into a play thing. For one day, we let it be okay to look death right in its scary, bony face and chuckle.

I could fill up the entire Internet discussing Bradbury’s The Halloween Tree, but for this forum, in this type of space, for the amount of time I have, this’ll do. However, there are a few maintenance points about The Halloween Tree to which I’d like to attend.

First, the book also has one of the best dedications I've ever read. I’ve included a picture so that you can read it and disagree with me.


Second, you should know that every year since 2007, Disneyland in California turns one of its oak trees into a Halloween Tree dedicated to Ray Bradbury himself, who actually has a career history with the company and attended the dedication.

Besides a placard denoting the fact, Disney festoons the tree with yellow and red lights and hangs fake pumpkins from the tree branches, each one printed with jack-o-lantern faces and masks from the original 1972 Joseph Mugnaini illustrations for the book. Seeing this tree would be the only reason I’d ever spend Halloween in southern California. Well, that and this.

Finally (in more than one sense of the word), in 1993, The Halloween Tree was adapted into an animated movie written and narrated by Ray Bradbury and starring Leonard Nimoy as the voice of Moundshroud. It’s an amazing version that in some ways improves on the original, even if it does gentle it a bit, while still incorporating most of the important ideas and images of the story.


Despite what a good adaptation it is and the fact that it was awarded an Emmy, it has yet to be released on DVD. In fact, the only reason I still have a VCR in my basement is so that we can watch the cassette version of the movie every October. I’d go into more details about the film, but I still may write about it in full for this blog. However, just in case I don’t’ have time to fit it in, I wanted to at least mention it.

Now do me a favor and go heat up some cider, open up your windows to October, and start reading the book…even if you have to sacrifice reading this blog for the rest of the season to finish it. Well, still click on some of the pages for me. I could use some help with the hit count.


Reading and Drinking Dandelion Wine

July 29, 2011 — When the summer of 2011 started, my inground pool was full of black water and small animal carcasses, the interior walls of my house were sweating from the heat, and everybody I passed on the street had started to show off their bare feet like they were the prettiest things in the world. You see, I'm just not a summer guy. Especially since I’ve become an adult and had my summer breaks revoked. In fact, the only thing I really like about summer is that it means autumn’s next.

But the problem still remains that I have to deal with summer to get to autumn.


The best way I have of dealing with summer is Ray Bradbury's 1957 book, Dandelion Wine. So, to endure, and perhaps even learn to appreciate, my summer of fetid pools, wilting wallpaper, and stranger's feet, I've been enjoying Bradbury's summer of 1928.

More than that, for the first time in many, many summers of reading this story and promising myself, I finally ordered a few bottles of actual dandelion wine over the Internet. It's not made from Illinois dandelions, unfortunately, like in the book, but it is from North Dakota, so there's still Midwest soil in those thin bottles of pale gold on my counter. So, after I finished reading Bradbury’s short but densely meaningful work, I tried the titular concoction, hoping the taste wouldn’t ruin the book for me.

But first, the book itself.

The strange thing about Dandelion Wine is that it’s a book about endings. Summertime doesn’t immediately strike me as a time for that. Autumn and winter, the dying and dead seasons, certainly can be, but summer, summer always seems, not so much a beginning like spring, but a least as a continuation of sorts, that space between beginnings and endings where you’re just living. I mean, you’re sweaty and sunburnt, but you’re living. But not for Bradbury, apparently.

The book starts with an end of innocence for the main character, 12-year-old Douglas Spaulding, and then goes through a layered series of endings, endings of friendships, endings of traditions, endings of lives. Heck, more people die in this nostalgia-rich story than in most horror novels. Green Town, the Illinois setting of the book, even has a serial killer prowling its streets and ravine.

Douglas’s awakening occurs on a forest trek with his father and younger brother to gather wild strawberries and fox grapes. It’s both a joyful and sinister realization. This portion of the book starts with Douglas walking through a wire of spider silk like he’s tripping a booby trap and then ends with a symbolic wound, as he digs his hands into the dark red fruit.

From there, Bradbury transitions from Douglas’s self-awareness right into the central metaphor of the book, dandelion wine. The moment that he realizes he’s alive, his first act is to help his grandfather attempt to preserve time. Each repurposed ketchup bottle of homemade and lawn-grown yellow wine is culled from that morning’s crop of dandelions and represents a day saved for savoring later. For Douglas, being aware is realizing that you’re losing. And according to Bradbury, memory is the only way we have of dealing with that loss.


But Bradbury doesn’t treat memory as completely equal to the task, though. The dandelion wine eventually is all gone, memories start to blur, the human time machine dies, the new sneakers wear out, but that’s good because there are some things you don’t want to remember, either. After all, this sunshiny book about summer has some serious blackness. The startling memory of the death of their infant sister. The serial killer named the Lonely One. Deathly illness. The darkest shadows lie beneath the shade trees of summer.

Stranger still, this book is not a dirge, despite its theme of endings, despite its many deaths, despite its darkness. Bradbury consistently pushes the idea that this is the way life is best experienced, as a series of endings, a continuum of letting go. We see that with Leo Auffmann and his Happiness Machine. Bradbury seems to be saying that we need to retire the various parts of our lives in joy like Green Town’s trolley, else we might run over somebody and find ourselves filled with remorse like in the case with Miss Fern and Miss Roberta and their Green Machine. Live and lose. Live and lose.

He goes even further. Eventually, you need to just get rid of the memories, too, like when Douglas’s family beat all the dust, all the evidence of their daily lives, out of the carpets. As Douglas’s grandfather says at the end of the book, “When the bottles are empty, the summer’s gone for good and no regrets and no sentimental trash lying about for you to stumble over forty years from now.”

Most surprisingly, even though Dandelion Wine is often characterized as a pleasant look at boyhood, we find out later in the book that it’s actually an account of a boy’s worst summer. A summer when nothing goes right for him, when he almost dies, when he loses too much. Self-consciousness is the worst thing to happen to Douglas, it seems. Fortunately, that will end at some point, as well.

Bradbury admits in his introduction, Just This Side of Byzantium, that the work is semi-autobiographical, even down to the Lonely One. So I have to figure that this book is either Bradbury bottling his own dandelion wine or actually drinking it. Makes the title that much more interesting.

Now that I’ve worked through the book, it does make sense for summer to be a time of endings. For school-age children, summer really is that way. Fall is the beginning of the school year, the beginning of a new grade, a more certain clock tick than one’s own birthday because all your friends and peers are experiencing it along with you. The school pencils that Douglas and his brother see in the shop windows at the end of the book are stakes to the heart of their previous year.

Overall, Dandelion Wine is a bittersweet book that feels more sweet than bitter as you read it, but seems more bitter than sweet when you think about it. But that’s life, I guess. You live it and it’s pretty awesome. You think about it too much and it sucks pretty bad.

Speaking of the bliss of forgetting, I’ve got to get to the wine.


The bottles I ordered were 375 mL bottles, about half the size of the regular wine bottles. Apparently it takes a lot of decapitated dandelion heads to make a drinkable amount of liquid. But the color didn’t disappoint, sunshine yellow, like lemonade. Definitely summer “caught and stoppered.”

To try dandelion wine for the first time, my wife and I set up a picnic dinner in our yard. Usually our alcohol consumption is late at night in front of the TV while watching music documentaries about decades we never experienced, but this seemed the most appropriate context to try the wine.

Now, I’m not a wine connoisseur. In fact, I’ve got fewer taste buds than a smoker with an inside-out tongue. But to me it tasted light, thin, and bright, almost like mead, but less sweet and with a bit of a vegetableness to it that turned vaguely bitter at the very end, although not sour like with white wine. Basically, good. The website for the winery that I bought it through described the taste as like “corn on the cob.”

All in all, it didn’t disappoint and both my wife and I enjoyed it enough to open a second bottle almost immediately, despite the fact that "vegetableness" and corn on the cob juice sound disgusting. If it weren’t so hard to get, I would eagerly put this into my summer rotation.

Anyway, summer is past the halfway point, my pool is now sparkling blue, my AC is winning the war inside, and we’re already seeing Halloween merchandise in the stores. People’s feet still bother me, of course, but I don’t know how to fix that.


I won’t be sad to see summer go in another month or so, but according to Bradbury, that’s fine. However, at least this year I can give the season a proper goodbye toast.


Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983)


Just about every blood-drenched horror aficionado has, still surviving within them, a dark child characterized by a strong affection for the innocently spooky, and sometimes those dark children escape from their basements demanding sustenance…or else. To keep those dark children satisfied, we’ve been feeding them on a diet of Ray Bradbury literature for decades.

Disney’s 1983 film Something Wicked This Way Comes is notable foremost because it’s based on the Ray Bradbury classic of the same name. In fact, the screenplay for the film was also written by Bradbury, and even with the usual heaping helping of studio meddling, it still managed to be one of the darker Disney children films ever made.

In Something Wicked, a strange carnival run by a mysterious Mr. Dark comes to Green Town, IL, in early autumn, setting on course a series of events that force a pair of 12-year-old friends to quickly learn how to navigate that ominous space between carefree childhood and soul-crushing adulthood, while an aging father, whose soul has long been crushed, learns how to mount over its debris. And all of this while the three of them combat the supernatural evil that the sinister carnival hides.

Although a weak shadow of its literary inspiration, the Disney adaptation ranges from passable to delightfully Bradbury-esque in various parts, often due to the period and seasonal setting of the film. The studio custom-built the 1930s town of Green Town on a large outdoor set at Walt Disney Studios in California and then, to capture the Illinois that every Bradbury fan has visited so often in his or her imagination, shot all the establishing exteriors in…New England.

Still, they did shoot those exteriors in the autumn, and a New England autumn can be absolutely Bradbury-esque, as well. The establishing shots were all filmed in northern Vermont, in the rural areas of Waterville, Morrisville, and Jeffersonville. Unfortunately, the film makers often combined those shots with matte paintings, so it’s difficult to determine exactly where the shots were taken. Although that’s not much of a New England connection to include in this chapter, Something Wicked is the only chance I've got to invoke Ray Bradbury in this book, and that’s just something I really wanted to do.


Waterville, Morrisville, and Jeffersonville are all located near one another, right above the more famous Vermont town of Stowe. As a result, regardless of the movie that featured them, they make for a fantastic autumn road trip full of soft hills covered in colorful foliage, quaint towns with bright white churches in their centers, farm stands with autumn delectables, and everything else you need for the season.

It might seem kind of strange that in putting together a book filled with horror, atrocity, and morbidity like the one you’re now reading, I’m featuring two Disney films made for children. Truth is, when it allows itself to access it, Disney has a pretty deep dark streak somewhere underneath all that fairy dust and princess solos.

Of course, the other movie I’m referring to is Hocus Pocus, which actually isn’t really all that dark in comparison with Something Wicked, and I’m sure you’ve already skipped over that entry for more interesting ones. That’s okay. Something Wicked, though, you’re going to want to re-watch it, whether you have dark children of your own to share it with these days or you still must keep your inner one fed.