How to Turn Willy Wonka into a Halloween Movie
Honestly, I don’t know why I haven’t done this before during one of the many non-Halloween times I’ve watched this movie over the course of my life. Heck, I should have done it every single time. Lord knows there’s enough Wonka brand candy out there. Of course, normally, I would hate the fact that a corporation is blatantly commodifying something as magical as the story of Willy Wonka, but in this case the people at Nestle’s Wonka division have come up with (or annexed in some cases) a unique line of candy worth the moniker. I mean there are a million hard candies and jawbreakers, but nothing like the everlasting gobstopper. Nerds? There aren’t even knock-off versions of these. They’re un-knock-off-able.
But, for my purposes this candy mix will work. It features “Howling” Laffy Taffy, which has bats and Halloween jokes adorning its wrappers; Sweet Tarts Skulls and Bones, in which the usually disc-shaped Sweet Tarts are transmogrified into skull and bone shapes; and Spooky Nerds, in which they take their orange and white colors and throw them in boxes where the usual anthropomorphic nerds are wearing bat wings, witch hats, and ghost sheets. There’s no such things as black Nerds yet. Except for Lamar Latrell, of course.
Now, granted, Wonka chocolate bars would make more sense for the movie itself than hard candy, but I’ve never seen them in Halloween form. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever had one. The candy bar market is nuclear cold war, and it’s hard to beat the superpowers.
Of course, I was having a little trouble appreciating it this time around. You see, in the end, “chocolate” ended up being said some 35 times. Could have been more. I’m pretty sure I sugar coma’d once or twice. I’m just glad I didn’t make “Wonka” the magic word. I’d be writing this dead and/or diabetic right now.