September 25, 2011 — I’ve introduced my wife to a lot of horror movies. If that sounds ceremonious, it definitely should. I mean, I’m still putting off introducing here to three out of four of my parents, but right away she had to meet Leatherface and Jack Torrance and Damien and that whole branch of my family.
You see, An American Werewolf in London won the poll, but as we sat down to watch a man pulled painfully into the shape of a wolf to the mellow strains of Blue Moon, my wife innocently commented, “Oh, I’ve seen this one.”
|It's still okay to laugh at this picture, though.|
WIFE: [After scrolling through Cronenberg’s IMDb filmography] No, although I’ve heard of Eastern Promises.
ME: We’ve talked about his before, so my biggest personal curiosity about your reaction to the movie is concerns Jeff Goldblum. For the people reading, I’ve always liked Goldblum, but you never have. Besides your garden-variety anti-Semitism, what’s your problem with the actor?
ME: What about Gina Davis?
WIFE: Don’t really have an opinion of her either way.
ME: Few do, I think. What did you think about Goldblum in this movie specifically?
WIFE: Way better than I thought it would be. I actually thought it was going to be less horrific, less dramatic than it was. I thought the plotline was that he turned into an actual small housefly early in the movie and then had to fly around and fix that. So maybe even more comedic or spoofy.
ME: Favorite scene?
WIFE: The parts directly after he first when into the telepod. They did a good job making you question how much of it was him being excited by his success or whether he was going crazy.
ME: But isn’t that the Goldblum you hate?
WIFE: No, because this was more dramatic and in a context that made his reactions make sense.
ME: Cheesiest scene?
ME: That’s too bad. Do you think this movie remains effective after 25 years and with your more modern sensibility?
ME: You just lost a ton of cool points with this audience, I believe. Anyway, on a personal note, the medium that we went to in Lily Dale last weekend said we were having a second child. What do you think of the name “Seth Brundle Ocker”?
WIFE: No comment.
ME: Would you at least allow David Cronenberg to deliver the baby?
WIFE: Are you just out of questions?
ME: Yeah, I guess. Any final comments?
WIFE: Don’t make me look stupid with this.
ME: You dug your own grave with the Pee-Wee answer.