Road to Rochester…ish

February 20, 2012 — At some point even on the best road trips, the phrase “road trip” becomes a curse word. For me, a few weeks ago, it was somewhere around hour 12 or 13 of a single-day, solo, 18-hour road trip. It was snowing, dark, I had already exhausted my entire itinerary, and I still had miles to go before I slept.


The road trip was to visit sites for my upcoming book, The New York Grimpendium, and basically extended, bed to bed, from Buffalo, NY, to my home in central New England. All told, I saw about a dozen or so sites, from the abandoned Rolling Hills Asylum to the suicide note of George Eastman to the Boyd-Parker Torture Tree. Of course, only about nine of the 17 hours was dedicated to seeing oddities due to the short amount of daylight and the fact that most of the sites were concentrated in the Rochester area. Which is why by hour 12, life was pretty bad for me.

I filmed throughout the 650-mile trip, to both give myself something to do and to ensure that nobody would ever want to go on a road trip with me, I guess. I was somehow able to edit all the footage down to about 15 minutes while still covering all the sites. I realize that’s too long to expect you to watch all the way through, but a partial YouTube view by any other name still smells sweet. Or like keyboard crumbs, ozone, and hard drive dust.













Dead Wrong


In my personal life, I take the idea “Everybody makes mistakes” as license to do so with complete abandon. In what passes for my professional life, though, I try to avoid them. Sometimes I'm bad at that.

Take my books, The New England Grimpendium and The New York Grimpendium. Every other sentence in these tomes is a factual one that needed to be quadruple-checked and, while I thought I did my due diligence in that area, I certainly slipped up in a few places. Since their publication, I’ve had a couple kindly pointed out to me and found one or two myself. Also, certain updates need to be made as things changed with some of these sites after publication. So, with profuse apologies for the latter and a "heads up" for the former, here they are:

THE NEW ENGLAND GRIMPENDIUM

Page 52, Edgar Allan Poe: I state that his birthplace plaque in Boston is on the southeast corner of the Common, at the intersection of Boylston and Tremont Streets. In reality, it’s at the southwest corner, at the intersection of Boylston and Charles Streets. This mistake makes me the most red-faced of them all. I’ve been there a dozen times, and just read the map wrong when I was sitting at my desk writing about it. I think I included the Boston Gardens as part of the Common and that threw everything off. The plaque is still on the side of a burrito joint, though.

Page 58, Rob Zombie: This one isn’t so much a factual error as it is an inconsistency. In my entry on Rob Zombie, I state that he’s the only still-living person in the Horror Legends and Personalities section. I did not mean to kill Stephen King, whose house appeared 30 pages earlier in the section (thanks to the two or three of you whom I can’t remember who pointed this out).

Page 59, Rob Zombie: Just had a bad day with this entry, I guess. I listed Haverhill native and MLB player Carlos Pena as Tony Pena, another MLB player. I collected baseball cards for one summer in my entire life, and all I learned from it was that there was a player named Tony Pena. Who knew it would go on to hurt my literary credibility.

Page 69, Spooner Well: I state that two of Joshua Spooner's killers were British soldiers “awkwardly hanging around after their country had lost the Revolutionary War.” Since this was 1778, the war was hardly over and would continue for another five years (Thanks, Karla).

Page 80, Art of Jack Kevorkian: When I visited the Kevorkian collection at the Armenian Museum and Library in 2010, they had the complete set of paintings by Dr. Death, about 17 all told. However, a recent settlement with Kevorkian's estate has left them with only four pieces.

Page 161, Phineas Gage Landmark and Skull: I list Gage’s death as 1890 when it was actually 1860. Guess my keyboard was upside down (Thanks again, Karla).

Page 207, International Cryptozoology Museum: Loren Coleman’s Portland, ME, museum is still technically behind the Green Hand bookstore at 661 Congress Street, but has moved since the publication of the book to 11 Avon Street, just around the corner from the entrance to the bookstore.

THE NEW YORK GRIMPENDIUM

Page 100, 9/11 Memorial at Ground Zero: I mistyped the date of 9/11 as September 11, 2011, moving back the Twin Towers Tragedy a good decad. I'm going to be the only person in the history of publishing to do that, I'm pretty sure. Never forget.

Page 275, Amityville Horror: Listed the actor who played George Lutz in the 1979 movie The Amityville Horror as Josh Brolin, when it should have been his father James Brolin. Will be horrified by this movie for the rest of this first printing for an all new reason.

Page 283, Mars 2112: This science fiction-themed Manhattan eatery glowed red inside for more than a decade before finally closing in 2012, not too long after my visit and before the book came out.

Page 301, Jekyl and Hyde Club: The Times Square location has moved from its previous address at 1409 Avenue of the Americas to 216 West 44th Street. The Greenwich Village location is still open at the address in the book.

Hopefully, I’ll fix these botches in some future version. If you know of more, let me know and I’ll include them here, where they can always be accessed via a link on the Grimpendium page. Until then, if you’re able to see past these flaws, I hope you still dig the books and constantly buy copies.







Children’s Museum of Pittsburgh


February 12, 2011 — The first thing you should know about the Children’s Museum of Pittsburgh, PA, is that it does not, in fact, exhibit children. This knowledge is important and will save you from an awkward and possibly horrifying encounter at the ticket booth. Like Confucius said, if only one other person learns from my mistakes, they are worth it.

The museum is located at 10 Children’s Way and, like most museums of this sort, is completely for kids…lots of stuff for them to clamber on, interact with, and keep busy doing on those days when parents’ guilt at how much television they let them watch exceeds the level at which they’re normally comfortable. Which means anybody not in that situation should skip it for, I don’t know, let’s say the Robot Hall of Fame, just for hits’ sake.


However, Pittsburgh’s Children’s Museum has one thing worth fording through the seething mass of careening tots. Possibly a couple things, actually…but, like most things in life, that depends on your stance on Mr. Rogers.

When I visited about a year ago, the museum had a whole room dedicated to the preternaturally gentle PBS children’s show Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, hosted by Fred Rogers. In the room were various interactive child-occupiers inspired by the show, a castle and large trolley that kids can play in, a tree-shaped puppet theater, that kind of stuff. According to the website, though, they’ve apparently re-themed the room since then and spread the various Mr. Rogers' components throughout the museum.


So somewhere on display on the premises are some of the actual artifacts from the show. Like a pair of Rogers’ famous navy blue canvas sneakers and about half a dozen of the puppets from his fantasy world of Make-Believe: X the Owl, King Friday and Queen Saturday, Henrietta Pussycat, Daniel Tiger, Grandpere Tiger, and the terrifying Lady Elaine Fairchilde.

While it might seem like the Children’s Museum got a weird draft pick in the licensing lottery, turns out, the show was actually filmed right there at WQED studios in Pittsburgh. Rogers was born in one of the city’s suburbs and lived in the area most of his life until his death in 2003 at the age of 75. That’s right. Pittsburgh was Mr. Roger’s neighborhood. Kind of changes the whole show for you, doesn’t it? It also makes me imagine him in yellow and black face paint roaring at a Steeler’s game.


However, unless you’re the type to wear Mr. Roger’s shoe colors on your own face while watching old episodes of his show, I’d still suggest skipping the museum to the childless or child-apathetic …if it weren’t for the coffee table-sized artifact shoved under the stairs in their puppet room.

The room’s main feature is wall display of old marionettes that’s pretty cool in itself, but across from these is an actual Mystic from the 1982 Jim Henson fantasy film, The Dark Crystal.

Yes, it’s the movie that scarred us all in ways that we love to show each other when nobody’s looking. A movie so alien and fantastical that it makes just about every other fantasy seem pedestrian and trite. The movie that reveals the uncomfortable truth that all cinema should be 100% puppets.

I’ll skip talking too much about the movie, since I’ve done that before on OTIS when I got to see my first Dark Crystal puppet in person. In that case, the character was one of the vulture-like Skeksis. This was how the other half lived.


This particular full-body puppet was urSol the Enchanter, one of the Mystics who didn’t do much throughout the movie other than hum deeply and walk slowly, until the climax when they brought the party in what turned out to be a very long beer run.

You’d think having such an amazing piece of Henson memorabilia would make the museum adopt it as its mascot, stick it on a six-foot-tall pedestal in its own solarium, and project the movie 25-8 on an IMAX screen behind it.

Instead, it looks like they’re a little ashamed of it. Or at least uncertain of what to do with it.

As I mentioned, it’s shoved under a staircase below eye level, in an unlighted (at least when I was there), plexiglass box that’s really hard to call a display case since it’s more easily missed than Waldo at his most devious.


The small plaque attached to the smeared plexiglass was also criminally minimal, stating the character’s name, the movie, what it was made of, and that it was from Jim Henson. That’s it, kids. Now go look in the funhouse mirrors and pretend to learn about light refraction.

I mean, the character is inherently a sad-looking one, and seeing it in this mournful little setting with children running around paying no attention to it as it rotted away in its dark corner made me more emotional than Sarah McLachlan singing over footage of doomed puppies.

Still, it was thrilling to see this amazing piece of puppetry, and it makes me want to give them my best offer for taking it home…which, incidentally, is literally my best offer. I need money in my life. But I’ll take a Mystic.

I’m pretty sure I was supposed to make a cardigan joke somewhere in the Mr. Rogers’ section. I need to remember to go back and do that.







Unholy Maggots


February 6, 2012 — This store might look like an old-fashioned pharmacy from some rustic little town, and that’s because it is. However, to me, it’s a finish line. Metaphorically. I resisted the impulse to go chest first through its windows. Of course, now that I’ve brought it up, I’m regretting that.

Yesterday, I visited this ancient, humble pharmacy located in the tiny Catskill hamlet of Phoenicia, New York. It was my official last stop for the upcoming New York Grimpendium. For those of you who don’t know about my Grimpendium book projects, I’d first like to welcome you to the majority. But, if you’re interested, or unnecessarily polite, here’s information about the already published New England Grimpendium, and here is some for its future companion, The New York Grimpendium, coming this Fall.

In the past ten months, I’ve traveled thousands of miles across the Sphinx-shaped state of New York, visiting every macabre and ghastly site (as the generic tagline of the books go) that I could dig up to include in the book. As Gomez says in Addams Family Values, “I have seen evil! I have seen horror! I have seen the unholy maggots which feast in the dark recesses of the human soul!” And, as he implied, it was a real blast.

I haven’t done any final tallies of miles traveled or number of sites included yet, but I need to save something for the book cover summary anyway. All I know right now is that I’m tired, both my soul and tires are threadbare, and now I must spend every evening for the next month sessile and self-disciplined, sorting photos and finalizing the draft because my deadline is looming like the Grim Reaper himself.

So that means hit me up on the OTIS Facebook page because I’ll be actively looking for ways to procrastinate every night. In fact, I should probably stop writing this and get to the draft right now…after one more game of Text Twist, of course, and a refill on my glass of port.

Sun-bleached blue postcards...still for sale.
Oh, and as to the significance of the Phoenicia Pharmacy? It plays a pivotal role in Larry Fessenden’s 2001 movie Wendigo, and as a result goes in the Horror Movie Filming Locales section of the book. It’s admittedly a little bit of an anticlimax for an almost year-long schedule that included visits to the 130-year-old skull and noose of a hanged man, a toxic waste site, and an entire town of people that believe they can talk to ghosts, but you shouldn’t be judging my itinerary according to the criteria of dramatic structure anyway.

But I do look forward to your judgments on the book.







Prabhupada’s Palace of Gold


February 2, 2012 — We've got some major frontiers left to explore. The ocean depths, outer space, the mind. I kinda would like to add West Virginia to that list. It's gotten to the point that anytime I’m traveling its roads, I expect to see something insane around every bend, whether it’s bathroom mummies, gigantic burial mounds, or stainless steel monsters with wings. But even with all that, I was still surprised by Prabhupada’s Palace of Gold.

I mean, I was there for the exact purpose of seeing it, but it was still a gigantic jump-out-of-the-closet to be driving along the state’s winding back roads, past derelict houses and dark forests, to suddenly come across this exotic centerpiece of the small community of New Vrindaban.


New Vrindaban is dedicated to the International Society for Krishna Consciousness (ISKCON), or Hare Krishna to its friends. It’s named after a city in India and was established in the early 1970s on about 100 acres of West Virginia backcountry. Today, it’s closer to 500 acres.

I’m not even going to pretend to understand much about the Hare Krishna religion, but the more easily graspable facts about it are that it’s a sect of Hinduism, was started in the 1960s in New York, and for some reason was the butt of a lot of airport jokes in the 1970s and 1980s.


Worldwide, the number of Hare Krishna devotees has been estimated at anywhere from a quarter million to a full million, mostly in India and thereabouts. New Vrindaban boasts a mere few hundred or so of them, although thousands visit every year. However, the small community—which is located about 30 minutes southeast of Wheeling (and close to Moundsville State Penitentiary to the west)—also boasts Prabhupada’s Palace of Gold.

Located on the innocuously named McCreary’s Ridge Road, the first thing you see are the ornate black and gold cupolas and spires of the palace pointing above a painted brick wall in a way that would never make sense on a West Virginia license plate.

We pulled into a small parking lot across the street, and entered through a doorway in the wall. Inside, the grounds were a ghost town, but that might have been because it was late November. The palace was set atop a hill and was surrounded by well-tended gardens that looked like they’d be pretty spectacular in the warmer months and, again, made us double-check our GPS coordinates.


We walked up the stairs past a pair of large jade-green lions. A dais of sorts extended all the way around the relatively small building, giving a great view of surrounding Appalachia. Eventually, we summoned the courage to enter and were greeted by a lonely Caucasian woman in a dingy sari.

Picture taking isn’t allowed inside, but our consolation was that we got to wear booties over our shoes to protect the dark marble floors. After paying the small fee, the woman took us around on a short tour of the relatively small interior space. It’s basically a wide outer hallway wrapping around a central square or rectangle (I remember corners) in which are set elaborately decorated rooms and altars. Everything seemed to be made of or covered by marble, gold, and teak in peacock, elephant, and cow motifs.


A lot of her explanation of the religion and the story behind the palace itself was multi-syllabic in that special way that Indian is and, as a result, a bit over my listening comprehension skills. But, basically, construction on it began in 1972, four years after the establishment of New Vrindaban. It was meant to be a residence of A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, the founder of Hare Krishna, but after his death in 1977 at the age of 81, the purpose changed to be more of a memorial to him.

It took seven years for his adherents to build it and, according to the story, none were skilled in construction. They learned as they went along and eventual got good enough to make something that could rightfully be called a palace. All told, the materials that went into the building cost about $600,000 and included gold and marble and other materials one wouldn’t want trusted in the hands of unskilled labor. Regardless, the effect is striking, with much of that coming from the contrast with its location.

Guy at the bottom for scale.
After touring the palace, we wanted to check out the rest of the community, only about a third of a mile down the same road. The first thing you see on pulling in is a pair of 30-foot-tall yellow and blue statues. They’re located on the far side of a large pond and look to be depicting a pair of women dancing like they knew how big they were. In reality, they actually represent two male Hindu saints, Chaitanya Mahaprabhu and Nityananda. Nearby were more life-sized statues of cows and an elephant. Not dancing. Gender unknown.

Meanwhile, down at ground level, we pretty much found ourselves surrounded by peacocks strutting around like West Virginia was where their species originated and shaking tail feathers like it was a Ted Nugent free-for-all. There were also a few goats wandering around, but they’re just goats.

We saw perhaps a dozen people, all of Indian ethnicity, but nobody approached us. Might have been my casually held battle axe. There were living quarters, a cafeteria, and the main building, the Radha Vrindabanchandra Temple.

We took off our shoes per printed instructions and entered. Inside was an open, empty space lined with elaborately adorned statues of deities in sizes ranging from doll to human, each one surrounded by offerings. There was also a life-sized figure of Prabhupada himself, sitting cross-legged in a throne-like chair. The statues were made from a variety of materials and were all decorated with clothing, jewelry, and flowers.

All in all, it was an experience that John Denver just hadn’t prepared us for. Eventually, we were able to pull ourselves away from it, though, making the peacocks eat our exhaust as we took off toward whatever insanity was around the next bend.